By sexual breathing I mean rocking my pelvis, using my PC muscles to circulate the energy, breathing in the same rhythm, and visualizing the energy all at the same time. This is supposed to move the energy away from the genitals and into the rest of the body, thus preventing ejaculation.

Basically, I can do this fine for about 20 minutes, reaching high peaks of pleasure, but then the PC-pumps and breathing (and everything else) start to cause my excitement to RISE, rather than spread.

My theory is that my PC muscle is weak as I’ve only been strengthening it for a week or so, and after 20 minutes of using it, it becomes unstable. I don’t actually ejaculate, as I’m able to stop this, but only because I stop the sexual breathing. If I do manage to continue the sexual breathing after I’ve ‘calmed down a bit, I find it difficult to get the erection back.

ANSWER

Keep up your practice and be patient with yourself. Try framing your practice in terms of moving and circulating the hot sexual energy rather than to stop the ejaculation.

To have an orgasm without ejaculating you must 1) remain relaxed throughout your entire body, with the exception of that particular muscle you are contracting to push or pump the energy away from the prostate up through the rest of your body, and 2) you must successfully move the hot sexual energy away from the prostrate up through the rest of your body.

By working the PC muscle (actually a group of muscles), the idea is not to make them incredibly strong. They do not have to be incredibly strong in order to move the energy, just strong enough, so the issue with you would not likely be that the PC muscle is weak. Basically, if you can stop the flow of urine mid-stream the PC muscle is strong enough. Certainly those muscles can become tired from continuous and repeated contractions, and 20 minutes is plenty long enough for even well toned muscles to become tired out. Try resting the PC muscle on and off in your practice if you want to pleasure yourself longer than the time it takes before you tire. Gradually you will be able to extend that time longer and longer. To rest the PC muscle does not mean that you must cease pleasuring yourself while you rest, but be vigilant not to allow your excitement to build too fast.

Eventually you will get to the point, when your body «gets it» where you will be able to move the energy wherever you place your attention, and do this without any physical squeezing at all, but this is a high level of mastery. It takes many, many, many repetitions before your body catches up to your knowledge, in other words your knowing mentally what to do and what can be done, will precede your actual skill at being able to do it. Successfully moving the energy typically takes months and sometimes years of practice, not just one week.

Your difficulty getting the erection back is undoubtedly because you are trying too hard, better to let the erection happen rather than trying to make it happen, surrender is much better than control in this matter. You are turning your practice into a goal oriented project. I suggest instead a pleasure/discovery orientation, which means you drop any expectations of what you think should happen, or what you want to happen (yesterday just because you know it is possible or that some men are able to do it), and watch for what does actually happen with you, and allow your mastery to develop organically with your repeated practice.

Thank you so much for your advice – it helped me out a lot.

Today I managed to last much longer, and experienced a number of dry orgasms before eventually slipping over the edge. (although, I was planning to finish around this time anyway seeing as I have work tomorrow!) My erection went again, but came back very quickly, and even remained once I started sexual breathing again, all because I just relaxed instead of wondering about it…it’s amazing how much attitude plays a part.

I also tried taking breaks with the sexual breathing as you suggested, and I think it did wonders for my PC muscle not getting too tired.

One other thing, when I do this pleasuring practice, I tend to think of the most sexually arousing thing I can think of (my ultimate fantasy), in order to get myself to a high excitement level quickly, and then try to stay there. It seems to be working, but I would like to know if you think this is a good way to do it (as to learn self control under the most extreme sexual influences), or if it’s better to build up to a high excitement level fairly slowly.

Or perhaps I should work on maintaining different levels of excitement at first. (seeing as I slipped over the edge today once I tried to maintain too high of a level)?

ANSWER

Experiment with going slow and going fast and find out for yourself what difference this makes, but I would suggest that in matters of sexual pleasure, slow is almost always superior to fast. Fast typically means quick to end, and when it comes to pleasure, this would seem like a silly bargain to make. Once you gain mastery over the ejaculation response, you will be able to delay ejaculation even under an extreme stimulus of pleasure.   I recommend that you practice arousing yourself to a particular plateau of pleasure, then leveling off there and hanging out for a while. Allow your excitement and arousal to subside, so that it is more manageable, then resume your self-pleasuring and rise to another higher level. Once again plateau there for a while, etc. building up to higher and higher peaks of arousal.

Experiment ending your pleasuring without any ejaculation at all, discovering that you can go days, weeks, even months at a time without ejaculation. You have this wonderful and powerful energy to use for everything else in your life,   and this can give you a serious competitive advantage in the world. By the way, once you learn to have orgasms without ejaculation, you will discover that you are not giving anything up by this practice, rather on the contrary gaining entry to a whole new world of sexual pleasure.

If your prostate becomes sore when you delay ejaculation in this way, it simply means that you have not successfully circulated the hot sexual energy up and away from your prostate. In that case allow yourself to ejaculate which will relieve all discomfort, and start your energy practices again.

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